Once again the IT Help Desk I work on is inundated with terrible requests and emails from crazy users. I can't show you the original email still, but the replies we sent should give you an idea of what has happened so far
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Jeffers, Phillip
Subject: RE: More “Spam” e-mail
Hi Phil,
We are aware of the Spam e-mail problem, which is currently causing various issues throughout the organisation. As we have suggested in the previous emails we have sent you, a special mailbox has been set up in order for you to forward this Spam Collection to in order to prevent similar messages in the future. So please do not inform us every time you think you have received Spam.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Tim
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Burgess, Stephanie
Subject: RE: Name Change Complaint
Hi Stephanie,
We would like to apologise for not correcting your account details and even rejecting your request on one occasion. As of now the corrections have been made to your account details. The Help Desk staff unfortunately was not informed of your gender reassignment and thus believed it was a spelling/typing error made by the HR department. This mistake has been corrected and we hope this has not inconvenienced you greatly.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Jane
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: MacAndrews, Tiffany
Subject: RE: Help
Hi Tiffany,
We have some advice from the questions you have given us regarding the current Spam issue.
1) You should not open and read email that you believe is Spam, has been sent from a unknown source, or sounds unusual if it does arrive from someone you know.
2) If you do read the potential Spam email in question, do not reply to it whatsoever.
3) If the email claimed something to the tune of “H4 h4 h4 I n0w h4v3 4LL y0uR 1nTr4w3bS” then this is probably a hoax. After all this was sent to your work email and not to your private address.
4) Lastly, do not give out your credit card details to the mysterious sender, in the hopes that it will be used a ransom for the “intrawebs” to be returned to you, even though you didn’t seemed to be certain if such things existed.
I hope this has been helpful and good luck with resolving your problem
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
James
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Pascall, Stephen
Subject: RE: The SPAM wants me to kill!!!11
Hi Stephen,
We mistakenly sent you email to the Spam Collection team and based upon the sheer volume of email you have sent to us in the past month, your email address has become blacklisted throughout the organisation.
Until this matter is cleared up, please see you manager about contacting us for assistance.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Karen
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Tamaran, Clarice
Subject: RE: Offensive Phone Call :(
Hi Clarice,
We understand that you on a phone call to the Help Desk, last Wednesday, where the operator said some pretty offensive words to you. The particular help desk operator had unfortunately ran out of medication for his Tourette’s Syndrome and thus was not able to control his outburst. He is deeply sorry and could not control what it had said to you.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Kimberly
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: naturallyhuge@notspam.ru
Subject: RE: Increase Y0ur S1z3 T0d4Y!
Hi NaturallyHuge,
I would like to make it bigger. MUCH bigger. Please tell me, is it a cream or a pill? It is also 100% natural as you claim, because I really don’t need any chemicals that could affect my health or future “greatness”. I have tried many products before and none of them have seemed to work. I would like to purchase these as soon as possible with my new credit card.
Regards,
Ragesh
SED IT Helpdesk
Read more...
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Jeffers, Phillip
Subject: RE: More “Spam” e-mail
Hi Phil,
We are aware of the Spam e-mail problem, which is currently causing various issues throughout the organisation. As we have suggested in the previous emails we have sent you, a special mailbox has been set up in order for you to forward this Spam Collection to in order to prevent similar messages in the future. So please do not inform us every time you think you have received Spam.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Tim
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Burgess, Stephanie
Subject: RE: Name Change Complaint
Hi Stephanie,
We would like to apologise for not correcting your account details and even rejecting your request on one occasion. As of now the corrections have been made to your account details. The Help Desk staff unfortunately was not informed of your gender reassignment and thus believed it was a spelling/typing error made by the HR department. This mistake has been corrected and we hope this has not inconvenienced you greatly.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Jane
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: MacAndrews, Tiffany
Subject: RE: Help
Hi Tiffany,
We have some advice from the questions you have given us regarding the current Spam issue.
1) You should not open and read email that you believe is Spam, has been sent from a unknown source, or sounds unusual if it does arrive from someone you know.
2) If you do read the potential Spam email in question, do not reply to it whatsoever.
3) If the email claimed something to the tune of “H4 h4 h4 I n0w h4v3 4LL y0uR 1nTr4w3bS” then this is probably a hoax. After all this was sent to your work email and not to your private address.
4) Lastly, do not give out your credit card details to the mysterious sender, in the hopes that it will be used a ransom for the “intrawebs” to be returned to you, even though you didn’t seemed to be certain if such things existed.
I hope this has been helpful and good luck with resolving your problem
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
James
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Pascall, Stephen
Subject: RE: The SPAM wants me to kill!!!11
Hi Stephen,
We mistakenly sent you email to the Spam Collection team and based upon the sheer volume of email you have sent to us in the past month, your email address has become blacklisted throughout the organisation.
Until this matter is cleared up, please see you manager about contacting us for assistance.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Karen
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: Tamaran, Clarice
Subject: RE: Offensive Phone Call :(
Hi Clarice,
We understand that you on a phone call to the Help Desk, last Wednesday, where the operator said some pretty offensive words to you. The particular help desk operator had unfortunately ran out of medication for his Tourette’s Syndrome and thus was not able to control his outburst. He is deeply sorry and could not control what it had said to you.
If you have further queries, please contact the IT Helpdesk on x88888.
Regards,
Kimberly
SED IT Helpdesk
From: SED IT Helpdesk
Sent: <Date withheld>
To: naturallyhuge@notspam.ru
Subject: RE: Increase Y0ur S1z3 T0d4Y!
Hi NaturallyHuge,
I would like to make it bigger. MUCH bigger. Please tell me, is it a cream or a pill? It is also 100% natural as you claim, because I really don’t need any chemicals that could affect my health or future “greatness”. I have tried many products before and none of them have seemed to work. I would like to purchase these as soon as possible with my new credit card.
Regards,
Ragesh
SED IT Helpdesk
