Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Burlesque Hour

I found The Burlesque Hour by chance, breezing through the local street press. I was looking for things to do at the Fringe festival. Of course, I haven’t been yet, because the universe plots against me going.

Anyway, I’m at the Street Theatre. The night has shifted down to being cool as an open fridge. The oven-heat of summer has gone. I finally feel I have energy again. I roll up my sleeves to take it all in. I feel brilliant. The Street Theatre sits on the edges of one of this city’s universities. New buildings have sprung up, absorbing vital car parks. Some of the construction is nearly completed, new cafes, restaurants and convenience stores are stocked and shelves stacked, setting up for trade. The evening light filters through the skeletal steel and concrete of unfinished buildings. I walk under street lights made of two-dimensional coloured shapes. In the distance I can hear the sound of drums and symbols, people practicing for a parade involving a Chinois Dragon. Bang, tisch, bang, tisch, bang, tisch, tisch, bang, bang, bang.

Inside the foyer of the theatre are people hanging around the bar, huddled and cuddling glasses of pinot noir, bottles of semillion and the occasional beer. I go over to the booth, and the girl behind the anti-theft glass asks me what I want to see (Answer: The Burlesque Hour), my name (Answer: Anonymous) and where I heard about the show (Answer: Some local street press – she seemed a little perplexed about this one). I hand over my bread and take my ticket. Then I wait. The people around me are theatre-goers. Or at least one half of them should be. The thing I find about people who like the theatre and the stage, normal move in packs. But sometimes, and I’m seeing a lot of this tonight, they also come as couples. And you can see that some of the pairs, that one partner was obligated to go. However, I am alone.

Eventually, the bell rings, tolling for us to enter. Inside, the stage is with a runway that descends into the front row. Tables and chair are arranged around the runway, giving people with drinks and booze an opportunity to continue watching the show. The curtains are red and crème. Red Chinois lanterns hang all around, like angry, or possibly horny spirits. The sign, advertising the title of the show, is set with bulbs in a heart shape, looping in a flashing cycle. Ushers direct the drinkers to their runway-view seats. I sit a couple of rows up, wondering how this will play out.

Now seeing as there is one more day that this show will air, I don’t want to spoil any surprises. However you should expect a trapeze performance, dancing, singing, blood, balloons, milk, numerous underpants, strawberries, a two hundred pound female gorilla, and some nudity. You should seek to sit as close to the stage as possible. And wear your most expensive, stain-vulnerable clothes. You want to look your best after all.

That all said, it was slightly different in terms of what I was expecting for burlesque. I was thinking more classical style of burlesque. Something along the lines of the Velvet Hammer, or a show that followed the vaudeville in the days before colour film and when Orson Wells was scaring people with Martians. By the time the show ended, I found myself leaving the theatre with a spring in my step, breathing in the cold night air. Goodbye Summer.


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Sunday, February 1, 2009

Storm Clouds

The clouds hang above me, dark and rippled. It rained a little earlier and only just. The thunder doesn’t boom, it gurgles, like the distorted sound of a sink emptying.

I can relate. I feel empty after today. It’s like the noose is tightening. I don’t know anything at this point. I’m without the dark blue liquid wisdom of the Magic 8-Ball. My desk is now only covered in work-related garbage and Japanese language books. I need to get out. Sometimes I think that going back to my parents might be a viable option. I know, overall, it has the appearance of failure, that I couldn’t make it on my own. But right now – it feels like a consolation prize. If it does get that bad, that I have to cross the Antipodes back to where I come from, then I will burn every possible bridge I can here. I’ve wasted a lot of opportunities, but no way am I going to miss pissing off potentially thousands of people in one go. It may be criminal, but it feels like a crime to let that one go.

The rain is coming down in waves, like it’s trying to reach that brass ring, but comes up short. The thunder occasionally rips across and grabs hold of the sky, and my attention. But the thunder is just a follow-up for some mediocre rain. I want it to storm. I want sheets of constant rain and hale hurled from the heavens. I want nothing to be safe from this storm. I want to see cars overturned, streets flooded and every smartass huddled in corners praying it would all stop. I want be scared and terrified. It’s better to feel something than nothing. Better dying terrified and alone, than just alone. Never doubt the wisdom of a softer world.

I hate summer. I enjoy the daylight hours, but I feel that 6 am to 9 pm is beyond the joke. I never sleep well in this season. Too many dreams about parasites and crazy dead people trying to teach me how to cook. The heat I get used to, but it’s everyone’s sunny dispositions that really get to me. I feel like punching them. Just crowning them right in their smug faces. Winter I excel. The hate in my heart keeps me warm.

Finally it decides to rain. Starting in spurts and then with the wind blowing, water is coming in from all directions. Thunder now tears across the sky, lightning flashes like small atomic blasts in the darkening clouds. Suddenly everything electric is out in a flash, lights, fridge and television. All dead and gone. Nothing left to do but wait out the storm. I sit back, pour myself another glass of Ringbolt and stare a the black screen of the television. My shades on, even in this twilight, the future can be bright. I invite the destruction of everything. And why not? You wait a lifetime, only to watch your own life to fall apart and not see possibly the final chapter of the human race. Think of the countless generations that waited for a day like this. Just to say: “This is It. About Fucking Time.” Screw heaven. That can wait. Damn Hell. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. This is thousands of years of cultural indoctrination, piles of guilt and sin and condemnation. This is pollution and populace and past times. We screwed up this world, and everyone from the hypocritical preachers to blasphemous scientists are saying we have screwed with this world and we are going to pay the terrible price. But I ask when? The bill never arrives. They give a due date. You watch the mailbox. Nothing. Yet. Right now this is the perfect for me. Alone. Sitting in the dark. Getting drunk. It’s dark now and my shades are still on. I wonder if these will be on my face when the future turns to a giant dark wave of pyroclastic ash? Hmmm. The thunder is gone. The only lights available are the minute flashes of lightning from the clouds as they disappear across the skyline.

With the storm gone and darkness settling in, I decide to lie back on the couch and take a nap. No power means no thing to do but sleep like my ancestors. And that is exactly when the electricity bring everything back to life. Lights flash. Noises beep and buzz loudly, announcing their rebirth. If there is no rest for the wicked, then I am certainly one of them. Time to get back to work.

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